Thursday, 24 December 2009

Oh the Weather Outside is Frightful...

...and if I had a fire, I'm sure it would be delightful.

Just wanted to wish you all a very merry Christmas... May you all get to where you are going, to spend the day nestled in the warm bosom of those you love.

Lots of love and festive smooches to you all

Christmas Pixie out

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

Celebrate Good Times...Come On!!!!!!

I got myself a job... oh yes... that's right... my fine ass has bagged a fine ass job!!!

The job interview went so well they offered me a job that was better than the one I actually applied for... it's like the kind of awesome thing that happens to other people... only it's happening to me.... I am so excited I could squee!!!!!!!

So I now have myself a lovely flat (that I will now be able to afford!) some lovely lovely flat mates and for the first time in my life what I believe may well be considered a good job!

So good in fact, that I think I will actually have people working for me... I have never had people working for me before ... I've always been the one doing the work!

I'm going to start dressing like a grown up and I have even let them call me Rebecca... apparently you can't have a grown up respectable job with an 'x' in your name.... unless of course you are Charles Xavier... one day, my pets, one day...

It's only a matter of time before I lose the use of my legs, all my hair and develop the power to control the minds of the entire population of the world and have a wild and passionate affair with an alien princess... gotta have a dream!

Oh I also got 100% in the first test I took for my tech support exams ... truly... life is good!

Monday, 7 December 2009

In My Life, There's Been Heartache and Pain.....

But actually I'm in a pretty good mood :)

* Minions of Awesome and win down to play - check
* Good times had by all - check
* Casual conversation about wanting to move to Bristol - check
* Flat and flat mates lined up within a week - check
* Applying for jobs in aforementioned city - check
* Beginning new and geeky course in web design and programming - check
* Vaguely understanding the tech support bit of the course - check
* Able to use phrases like 'hot swapping' and 'scuzzy' appropriately and make people think I know more about this shit than I really do - check
* Played poker against a professional and held my own whilst utterly shit faced - check
* Looking forward to joint birthday party / further geekery this weekend - check

Life is starting to look a little better people.... watch out now, I'm moving to the Nerd Tower... your Pixie Queen Geek is coming home.... yey!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thursday, 26 November 2009

Being Good Isn't Always Easy

So I didn't get the big gay job that I didn't really want anyway... yet some how I find myself enormously gutted.

While the concept of a blazer, skirt and name tag uniform smooshing down any semblance of personality or sense of style I might have cultivated over the years did upset me greatly, I really need a job!

I did manage to secure my place on the distance learning course I wanted, so in 2 - 3 years I will be a web designer and programmer and with any luck after a few months I will be front line tech support...woop hoot and yey...however, I need a job to finance this course... and my debts... and the rent that the Family need me to pay, which until yesterday had not really been mentioned, seems they, like I, was waiting to see whether I got this job before mentioning the fact that they can't afford to support me... of course they can't... but the feelings of guilt I have been experiencing about sponging off them just got made a whole lot worse yesterday with the mention of that horribly vulgar thing we all crave; money.

I hate money... it is the source of nothing but trouble... stupid, ugly, vulgar... grrrrrrrrrr!

So I have no idea how I'm going to finance anything... going on the game is looking increasingly likely... although I feel I may be too old and saggy to generate much business...damn it!

Still I have my lovelies coming to see me tomorrow and I am soooooooooo looking forward to it ... sleeping arrangements may be a little cosy but luckily we all like each other :)

I think I shall enjoy myself this weekend and then get back to reality on Monday...stupid reality.

Wednesday, 11 November 2009

Have I run too far to get home?

So... the interview... yeah...

Well, I dressed smartly, did my hair smartly (though still brightly coloured at the front) wore a small stud in my nose and bought a smaller stud for my lip, which was cheap and unsurprisingly also so cheaply made that it did not secure properly in my lip and fell out while I was brushing my teeth so I was inadvertantly forced to compromise by those bastard forces of the universe and did not wear a stud in my lip.

I turned up, half an hour early because I got the time wrong despite having written it down correctly... I stumbled over my words in the interview and did not complete the slightly bizarre typing test they set me in the allotted time... the woman interviewing me asked the typical horrible interview questions that no one can answer correctly, the classic "why should we employ you & what are your strengths and weaknesses?" There is NO right answer to that. She also asked me what my plan was with regard to furthering my career... something I was totally unprepared for and had to make up terrible lies on the spot... fudged some bullshit about being interested in their IT department... which is not a total lie but the bit where I said I had a life long dream to be a legal secretary and get banged by the boss over his desk on a regular basis, may have been.

Essentially I came out of it feeling like I was not the sort of person they were looking for and judging by the blue blazers and gold name tags that everyone was wearing, I can't say I was that bothered about it...

Nevertheless this leaves me in a bit of a quandry... no job, no money, no direction... aaaarrrrgggghhh

So I've spent the last couple of days in a bit of a moody haze....

Yesterday some guy from an online IT company calls me about some training that I had registered some interest in and I have a telephone appointment with someone on Tuesday to discuss my options ... having read through all the literature about them that I can get my hands on, no where does it mention the cost of their courses... which worries me somewhat... as much as the thought of web design and programming excites me (yes, I am Queen Geek for a reason) any company that does not display their prices does so for a reason... basically... I can't afford their services...

Then today, feeling slightly better having done some free thinking exercises (always therapeutic) I get a call from the curly one saying he has a job interview... and as I am talking to him I have a call waiting and it is the solicitors office asking me back for a second interview to meet one of the partners, apparently, the office manager thinks that I would fit in really well... fuck me... the other applicants must have been such retarded inbreeds! is looking a little rosier apparently... and admittedly the thought of wearing a blue blazer and a gold name badge does not make me happy, the thought of paying off my debts and saving some money to make a fresh start, does... means to an end, my friend, means to an end... So we will see if I can impress the partners and get me another sucky job that will move me forward in a life that may start to interest me...

Monday: Impress partner of law firm to secure job (having found a suitable yet different outfit from the one I already wore there)
Tuesday: Have phone interview with IT training company in vain attempt to secure qualification that will get me a job I want, while not being able to afford it
Wednesday: Have interview with cripple advisor at job centre to get extra help for going back to wor - yey spazzy brain
Thursday: Mong
Friday: Get drunk

Full week ahead of me next week, no? ... my particular attention will of course be focused on Friday's activities :)

I shall also be mostly looking forward to a visitation from my minions ... it's been too long since I had a good worshipping... so to remind you all of your Queen in her absence... have this....

Pixie McWhinesalittleless out

ps... the K key on my laptop is sticking... little things they really do try our patience!!!!

Friday, 6 November 2009

She's got the Look

I have a job interview on Monday... woo!

As much fun as watching re-runs of Scrubs during the day has been, I really don't like being unemployed, and having to spend £5.40 to get to the dole office to sign on for 30 seconds so they can give me 4/5ths of fuck all twice a month is really not doing much for my burgeoning psychosis.

It's another boring admin job, which I really don't want - worse still it's in a solicitor's office, so I will have to dress appropriately - which is a problem. I have had to borrow clothes for the interview so finding something to wear every day may present a challenge...

That is of course assuming that they don't just take one look at me and dismiss me immediately as being 'trouble'... piercings and hair dyed a silly colour may be relatively normal in the Bath / Bristol area but in a teeny tiny seaside town in the arse end of nowhere, I look like a bit of a freak.

Now I could take out my piercings and pretend to be respectable - but I won't - partly because I know I can do this job standing on my head with one hand tied behind my back and the other wanking a small Russian midget playing the violin and still do their typing and client reception work better than any other slack jawed fuck tard they interview down here and still have time to re-design their website...also they should judge me based on my ability to do the job and not on the fact that I have extra holes in my face.... however there is also a small part of me that is very aware that I am probably trying to sabotage my chances... I will make an effort, I will dress smartly, I will wear a nose stud instead of a ring and I may even spend tomorrow searching for a smaller stud for my lip... but I won't be taking them out.. I could, I could even dye my hair back to its natural colour... but I don't want to...I refuse to lose even more of my identity than I have already by making the move that I have simply to fit in to the suffocating mold that is en vogue in the small minded, small town mentality that I am discovering in this place.

While the money it would generate would mean that I could pay off all my debts and even possibly save enough money for a fresh start, go back to school, go travelling... do something exciting and interesting...something I have been yearning to do for years but have not had the opportunity, I know that deep inside I am still holding out for something I really want... I have made such a huge life altering, heart wrenching, soul ripping decision to leave one life behind (even if only on a temporary basis) that settling for anything less than perfect seems oddly unfair...

I am really suffering for the decision I have made... I miss my life, I miss my friends desperately, I miss my home, I miss my possessions, I miss my safety and security, I miss familiarity... I miss my husband... I need something positive to come out of this hellish shit storm and I need to make that happen... I am just not sure how to do it... do I keep on the deferred gratification path of getting a boring job that I don't want and potentially enabling something positive to come out of it later while risking making myself more miserable than I am already, or do I hold out for something I really want and risk never finding it?

I do not care for limbo and I do not care for the sound of me whinging like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit... again!

Sorry...have some pictures of nice things to make up for it... kittens for the girls, plymouth barracuda for the boys :)

Pixie McStillwhinesalot out

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Stupid Dumb Shit Goddamn Mother Fucker

So I quit my job...

I am now officially homeless, unemployed and separated from my husband...

I can't apply to be dole scum until the skittering devil children at the MMC send me my P45... which doubtless they will drag their heels about.

They stiffed me on the money front but because I don't have a contract and the same law that meant I could just tell them I wasn't coming back without giving any notice also means that they don't have to pay me .... fuckers.

This means that the flat that I was going for and pulling strings to get is no longer in the running because I don't have the money I thought I would from the seventh level of hell to make up the first month's rent and the deposit... cock.

This also means that I have about £100 to last me until I can either get a pay cheque from a new employer or a dole cheque... this £100 will be coming out of my bank on the 15th as a loan payment and I still need to find the money to pay my credit card, get to and from Bath next week and ...well... live...

Up shit creek sans paddle, me thinks...

The people I am staying with are thoroughly lovely but I am starting to feel like I am taking the piss... I hate taking from other people... especially since my black eyeshadow exploded all over their beige carpet and has left horrible stains, which even the power of voodoo has yet to eradicate...

I also managed to get so drunk I threw up all over my best friends carpet and stained that...

Essentially the last couple of days have been spent getting upset with letting agents, crying at my bank balance and scrubbing the carpets of people who are really helping me out...

Also.. .their dog ate my trainers.

And apparently I have become one whiney mother fucker :)

This made me chuckle though...

Pixie McWhinesalot out


Monday, 12 October 2009

Accentuate the positive

Positive things I have done this week:

* Had my hair cut and dyed... it's shorter than it was and has a slightly bull dykie feel to it (though people are using the phrase pixie like)... but it does have some rather fetching bright red streaks in the fringe... I like it but it will take a little getting used to

* I have re-written some government documentation on child protection and will be helping to deliver a training course to various health and social care professionals on this subject on Thursday

* I have written a lot of self therapeutic indulgent poetry (which people seem to like)

* I watched Titus last night, the adaptation of Shakespeare's early, lesser known and vastly more gruesome plays, Titus Andronicus... it was very good... if a little tragic... but then it would be, it's a tragedy!

* I have been chatting to friends and family and keeping in touch

* I have taken the dog for a walk across fields with the most stunning views and thought to myself "why would anyone want to be anywhere else"

Less positive things I have done this week:

* I have moped... a lot

* I have drunk a lot of wine and smoked a lot of cigarettes

* I have been unable to make any decisions regarding work or study

But still all early days yet... can't expect a miracle over night, I guess... but fuck me this shit is hard!

Pixie out

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Did you say 'no this can't happen to me?'

Well by now you all know what's going on... and you've actually pretty much all been in touch with your well wishes and sympathies... which I am extremely grateful for - thank you.

Basically this is just to say that I probably won't be doing a great deal of bloggerising for a while... I will still be writing but it will be wanky, self indulgent and weepy poetry - yey me and the free therapy.

Focusing on my writing and looking at going back to school to study.. .well something... not sure yet whether to go back to do more psychology or whether to bite the bullett and actually study big gay writing!!! (I might even go study computer programming)... still something will be filling my brain in the not too distant future other than Morris Minor paint codes and how much I hope my boss falls in a pit filled with flaming spikes and angry monkeys...

I think there is a strong possibility that I will be quitting my job... I've taken a couple of weeks off for a bit of R&R anyway... but at the end of that, I realy don't see going back to be a particularly healthy thing for me to do...

That said... I need to get some thinking done... so I'm hoping this next couple of weeks will give me the time and space I need to do that and get my head straight so I can formulate some kind of long term plan.

I haven't fallen of the edge of the world... I'm still contactable please don't feel you can't contact me.

Love to you all and weepy sad face


Monday, 7 September 2009

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Muse were incredible...

The whole weekend was awesome...

I am a broken shell of a woman...

'nuff said

Pixie Out

Friday, 4 September 2009

I'll Be There As Soon As I Can

I R going to see Muse tomorrow... woop hoot and yey!!!

Apparently being best friends with people who went to school with famous musicians is a good thing :)

So not only am I going to spend the weekend in my spiritual retreat surrounded by my wonderful second family... I'm also getting to see one of my favourite bands play in the bargain... and I'm taking the Frenchy!

The Curly One was meant to be coming... but he has broken his spine in 27 places and is currently in traction being bed bathed by 1960's Barbara Windsor-esque nurses... or he might just be having a bad case of sciatica and lying on the sofa dosed up on pain killers.... but the first option sounds more fun, so let's go with that!

The aforementioned bodily harm was apparently caused by an early morning tidying spree last weekend a la chez Ginge ...after a most excellent barbeque / challenge to see how much beer 9 people can actually get through in an eveing (which apparently is quite a lot)/ celebration of the return of the Pat

Good times were had by all... beer was drunk (by the metric fuck ton)... eternal love was declared (as only the truly drunken are wont to do)... cigarettes were smoked... meat was eaten... salad was largely avoided (until the morning when a chicken salad with coleslaw and melon on the side seemed like the perfect breakfast...they weren't laughing about the pre-cooked chicken we brought to a barbeque by then, I can tell you!)and then teh Patzor drove The Curly One and I home and hung out (I slept) until the evening when he ran 4th ed D&D for the nerd squad, which was so unbearably awesome and win that I can't even describe it... we even intro gamed a new player ...and I think there is a chance we might have converted him with our second hand geek smoke (it's dangerous for your health I hear... the government are moving to ban indoor geekery as those who do not geek feel they should not be exposed to the geekery of others...GW are in uproar saying it will destroy their business)

Saturday, Cathryn and I drove up to Burton on Trent (don't's where they make Bass beer and Marmite... the whole town smells funny... plus it's north of the Watford gap and therefore grim)... We went to pick up a 19th century antique oak chest come bench thing (imagine a gothicy church pew but prettier) which has been sitting in my Grandma's hallway for as long as I can remember... she inherited it from her mother in law who inherited from her mother.. or something.. I don't know... any way... I have coveted this thing since I was a child and spent every summer there... and now it is mine.... or at least it is in Cathryn's dining room, filled with beautifully ornate plates from China, that I also now own... it took us 5 hours to get there... because Cathryn can't follow directions and the phrase "stay on the M42 Cathryn... no seriously... the M42 ... no... no... no .... not the M40...gaaaaaaaaah!!!" only passed my lips once... but that was enough to set us back a couple of hours... nonetheless... my Grandma was lovely and made us dinner and gave me wonderful covetous things and sent us on our way again...Cathryn and I made it back to Bath, in a 4x4 borrowed from one of the boys in the seventh level of Hades... and we are still friends... of course all I have to show for sitting in a car for hours and hours is Great Aunt Flo's blanket from Norway... but hey...

Sometimes I think 2 white women driving through the rougher bits of Bristol at 9.30 on a Saturday night in a Chelsea tractor, with an antique oak chest in the back, smoking out of the windows and listening loudly and shamelessly to Michael Jackson, might be a slightly odd thing to do.... then I remember that Cathryn and I have done much stranger things... like driving round the back of Jamaica street with a boot full of sex toys and stopping to ask for directions...

I am also currently in the midst of attempting to integrate Taoism into my Wiccan belief structure... it seems to be opening up some very interesting spiritual pathways for me... and my soul is growing as a result... i've been having some very trippy meditations recently... dare I say, I am feeling more... powerful... of course that could just be the can of Redbull I just drank... but seriously... amazing meditations over the last few days... I'm very excited to see where this path will take me... I'm literally buzzing (again, may be the Redbull... finding it tough to focus on the screen now...)

Have a good weekend kiddies

Pixie Out

Saturday, 22 August 2009

You can tell by the lines in my smile that I have been around for a while

I can haz ego stroke plix, yes kk?!?!?

I have my gorgeous baby cousin coming to stay tonight....

I love her to bits, she is fun, she is clever, she is very sweet and she looks up to me (she is also therefore obviously, horribly flawed)

I have watched her grow up over the last few years, mature from a child in to an interesting young woman and throughout this period, my influence has been a discerning factor in her life. When I first noticed she had a liking for the slightly alternative music scene, I made her a CD of some of my favourite tracks when I was growing up, hoping to nurture and encourage this love, which it did.

When she got in trouble at school, I lied to her teachers for her, she knows I know she did something bad but lied for her anyway though I have never mentioned it to her. I hoped this would encourage her to be more thoughtful in her rebellion, which it did.

When she had her heart broken for the first time, I was there, handing out the sage advice and comfort, hoping she would see that this was not in fact the end of the world and that boys will come and go, as is their want but that I would be there for her to shoulder her pain through them all, which she does.

The problem is, she is now a younger, thinner, prettier, more intelligent and successful version of me.... and I am left feeling like the example of 'how to fuck up your life and not realise your potential in 5 easy steps'

Also, I will be spending my evening laughing at my 30 something men friends all trying desperately to get in her pants but still being shit scared that I will tear off their balls if they succeed!!!!

Of course what they don't realise is that she really doesn't need me to look out for her anymore, she is perfectly capable of emasculating men all on her own!!!!

Oh let the giggling commence!!!!

Pixie out

Wednesday, 5 August 2009

You Probably Think This Song is About You

I have had one of my pieces of big gay poetry recognised by my big gay pretentious poetical peers... yey me ... woop... hoot and indeed hoorah!!

I was featured as the pick of the day on Monday for the literature community of Deviant Art... my wanky offering may be found here

It's not my favourite piece... but it's one of them... and the crazies on dA seem to like it... so yey!

Also... just in case you had forgotten...

I love you



I love you

You are beautiful and wonderful and a joy to be with... I am blessed to know you
...and in case you were wondering who this is directed at... it's directed at YOU... silly!

Thursday, 30 July 2009

Tell me Lies, tell me sweet little lies

Words to live by ... oh yeah

Thursday, 23 July 2009

When We Dance It's A Tragic Delight

My back is starting to get a little better... for those of you who don't know what happened but have had the pleasure of being exposed to the slope of danger and treachery outside my house, I shall explain....

Bob got drunk and in process of worrying about him falling down the slope and breaking his face again (and more importantly his glasses, which I can't afford to replace) irony struck a cruel blow and landed me on my coccyx.... ?!"?$?"££$^%$^&£$I*!"$£*$&£*(*%$*_"£!*$$^.... that is the string of profanity that escaped very loudly from my mouth along with some whimpering and the sound of trying very hard not to cry...

I forced myself in to work the next day... even though getting dressed in the morning actually made me cry it hurt so much and spent the whole day drugged up on mighty morphing pain killers fluctuating between trying not to cry in pain and being so spaced out that I was unable to function like a conscious human being.... my boss didn't notice any of this and continued to insist that I run about the place and pick things up off the floor.... even my wincing and gasps of pain were not enough for him to think that perhaps, just perhaps there might have been something wrong with one of his staff....

I put myself through this ordeal because the snide comments I would have received from him and knowing he would have taken it out on Cathryn if I took time off, was worse than the pain itself....

This just added the icing to the enormous steaming shit cake that is my life...

Consequently I have realised that there is a fair chance that I am really quite depressed...and I can't afford a counsellor... oh dear...

On the plus side, Cathryn and I have come up with a fun game to play at work... which may only be possible if you listen to music at work via the internet... basically, it's like musical word association... in the morning somebody chooses a song and then the other person must pick one that follows on from it in some way... for example: Spin Doctors, Two Princes could be followed by Prince Charming by Adam Ant, which could be followed by Charming Man by The Smiths.... etc etc... it whiles away literally hours ...and helps to prevent either of us from throwing ourselves off the suspension bridge... so far anyway...

I will not go silently into the night... oh no... I will damn well whine about it all the way there... and you will bloody well listen to my self indulgent, increasingly emo ranting....

Hell I may even take up cranking... I hear it's what all the best emo kids are doing these days...

No picture for you today... The Pixie is waaaaaaaay too miserable for that... *grumble grumble moan moan blah blah blah grumble*

Tuesday, 7 July 2009

Woman oh woman don't treat me so mean...

I need help...

I need natural and non - 'go to the doctor's' advice... how the fuck do women deal with periods?

I have been on the pill for 14 years solidly, with no break so hadn't had a real period since the tender age of 14...and 12 months ago I decided to come off and see what was occurring in the wonderful world of my hormones...

I lost a stone in 6 months... (which I may now be putting back on due to excessive consumption of cream cakes)... and my periods are finally getting in to some kind of a cycle... but fuck me they hurt!!! How do you ladies manage it?... not only does it feel like my barren uterus is about to explode but I am overly emotional, weepy and angry... what do I do?!?!?!

I can't cope with this every month for the rest of my life (or at least until I'm stupid enough to think that any child Bob and I made would be wonderful and cute and not at all a hideous mutant freak baby)...

Please ladies...and men who know ladies... help me out here... I'm new at this game and I don't know the rules... and the referee seems like a total shit heel...gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Give a Love and it all Comes Back to You

I love you...



I love you

oh and this, I love this too... and so should you

Tuesday, 23 June 2009

I Wish I Was A Little Bit Taller

I have returned mighty and blood soaked... once we ran out of bullets I had to rely on my trusty travelling axe and nefarious wits to survive the zombie horde onslaught... I managed to rally the other girls to stand with me and fight to the death with rousing speeches from various inspiring movies that they are all too nice to have seen...most of us made it to safety... but many will never be the same...

So then ladies ... "What is best in life?"....

Seriously though, I had a brilliant time with a wonderful bunch of ladies, sitting on the beach and lounging about the pool in our bikinis drinking cava daaaahling!... there were no zombies... or psycho killers... or anything bad at all... apart from the spider the size of my face making himself happy in our bath tub... damn eight legged gribblies...

Infact it was all a terribly healthy, thought provoking, female empowering experience... we were all ages, shapes and sizes and all shamelessly paraded around in our bikinis without worrying in the least what we looked like, which in fact made us all look and feel a million times better... we are all hard drinking, hard swearing, smoking, shagging, strong, balls out ladies and I couldn't have had a better time... I like to think I might even have made some lasting friendships... or at the very least some regular clients... I did more readings over the space of this weekend than I've done in 6 months...not to mention the 2 lots of reiki I did... my energies are all drained and shit... need more sleeping

Also, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, which we at Nerd Cave HQ watched with the inhabitants of the Furher bunker and the French resistance (plus a couple of other hangers on whose names, nationalities and unusual social habits I do not know well enough to make derogatory comments about) last night, was, as the curly one put it *assumes Batman the Brave and the Bold, Aquaman voice* "OUTRAGEOUS"... there are no other words for it...

Good times had by all

Now then... let us merge for the kill...

Thursday, 11 June 2009

Just Because You Feel Good Doesn't Make it Right

Perhaps because I have become a pretentious arsehole, I found myself laughing so hard I spit tea out over my keyboard when I saw this in my daily trawl through my ever growing number of webcomics this morning....

The Curly One and I are off to Old Kentish Town tonight, which does mean we will be missing the lovely if a little Welsh Laura's birthday shenanigans - most disappointing - but will be enjoying the poncy end of year Masters degree art show that my fabulous Father in Law will be putting on... tee hee... 'father in law' still sounds silly....

I hope the invisible circus you buggers are going to again without me is awesome... I really wanna go.... :(

Monday, 8 June 2009

My Backpack's got jets, I'm Boba the Fett

I am le tired....

I am too old and too teeny to do this staying out till the next day 2 days in a row malarky...

Friday night I went out for an impromptu 'couple of drinks' with some old school chums... obviously that couple of drinks led to me accidentally finding myself in a club and dancing like a plum to terrible 80s cheese (and a pleasing number of power ballads ~ rawk on) and rolling in at about 3.30am Saturday morning....

Saturday night giant barbarian's 30th birthday saw pubbage occurring followed by house party and good times had by all... rolled in at about 6.30am Sunday morning...

Today I got up for work at the same time that I got home the day before.... blergh.... sleeping at my desk....

Also teh internetz is teh scroooooed at work... making it really rather difficult for me to continue with my website genius...ah well... regular work it is... easier to sleep through anyway....

I'm too old for this shit....


Thursday, 21 May 2009

I've got a 12 sided die, I've got Dungeon Master's Guide

Last night, the nerd squad hit our highest nerd factor to date... probably!

The absence of Ginge and the Frenchy was beautifully taken care of by the one week only addition of the Loveable Stoner.

The chilli toating Southern Hemispherian ran a one off DC Heroes game where we were basically members of the Justice League but with different names... which was fine until I realised that I was essentilaly playing Huntress and instantly had to hate myself... stupid purple domino mask wearing liability bitch!

Our hearty band of heroes were summoned to an attack on the city of Seattle by what appeared to be T-Rex only to discover that said terrible lizard was in fact a computer generated collection of pixels (we still kicked his ass though, so it was all good)...

Further investigations lead us to discover that the good city of Seattle had been taken over by a disgruntled player of a world renowned MMORPG called Endless Dungeon, which of course we were then sucked into - complete with new period costumes and weaponry - and had to go and find the culprit of these shenanigans and beat his fat, Cheesy Puff eating, 40 year old, living in his mum's basement, never gonna know the touch of a woman, ass into next week.

Of course because we were in his game, his avatar looked oddly different from his real life physique - he was a Grecian god complete with magic shield and personal guard and the dev team who nerfed his class hanging over a pit of lava in his volcanic lair by a chain....

We powerleved, we min maxed, we hot swapped, we strafed, we bunny hopped, we tea bagged, we looted, we ninjaed, we were 1337...we were most definitely not n00bs and we saved the day, the dev team and the city... yey us!

We all had a bloody good laugh and it was widely recognised that Jason is a genius.

It then occurred to us that we were a group of 20-30 something, well educated, intelligent adults, sitting in our basement, rolling dice, pretending to be super heroes trapped in a world based on a computer game that we all played excessively (except Matt "I was just following orders" Smith - who has no soul) and using real life exploits and well known factoids about said game to win the other game....

There is a chance none of us will ever be allowed to breed...

Monday, 18 May 2009

Little Miss Can't Be Wrong

Yesterday I rearranged our bedroom...for the first time in about 6 years... apparently there is more than one place you can put a bed in a mishapen shoe box - who knew?!!?

I might have got a little stroppy about it at one point and suppressed a little cry when it looked like it was going badly and things would not fit where I wanted them to but the curly one (yes, I've reverted) came to the rescue with non commital responses to my irrate ranting and irritatingly wise suggestions... and begrudgingly I had to admit that he was right... and now it looks all pretty and has a strangely serene feeling about it - excellent place for being all hippified and shit!

I've also been working hard on the hellmouth's website - getting my head around Dreamweaver after only 2 hour's training, (most of which was spent trying to remember the username and password so I could use the FTP gizmo to make the website accessible to the public) and a bit of self taught HTML is harder than one might imagine... amazingly though my boss seems to be quite understanding about this (I think I might have blinded him with science) and has accepted that I need time and space to make this shit happen... also it'll be saving him money because he won't have to pay fees to outside agents if it can all be done in house....

Of course what he doesn't realise is that by doing this, I am making myself completely indispensible to the company and gaining a shag load of transferrable skills, which I will use to my advantage when I quit and offer my services back to the company at extortionate consultancy rates!!!! (Or you know, just get a better job)

The poetry thing seems to be going pretty well too, starting to build up a following of poets and writers who are all vastly more accomplished than I, so my ego might be swelling just a little bit...I've started having a note pad and pen with me all the time to jot down any momentary flashes of inspiration and in the last 2 days Bob has referred to me as both pretentious and pompous... I think I might be being a bit of an arsehole about the whole thing.... maybe I should reign in my enthusiasm a little before I get ball achingly dull and prickish about how awesome I am and my husband starts lamenting the days when I just talked shit on a blog and didn't own a theasaurus.

That said, it is affording me an odd kind of peace... it's been too long since I've been so prolifically creative and being able to express any little thought in my head in a public forum without fear of reprisal because my poetry is so vague is really incredibly therapeutic so it is quite difficult to contain my enthusiasm at the moment... I'm sure it will wear off eventually and I can go back to being acerbic and bitter and more tolerable to other people!

Until then... please enjoy this in my place...

Friday, 15 May 2009

You could have ruled the whole world if you'd only found the time

I have been creative I have...

On the off chance that you might be interested in my wanky pretentious side, you will find it here

I feel quite jazzed up about the whole thing actually....

For those of you who will make fun of me for this (oh wait, that's all of you)... just to assure you that I have not been replaced by a pod person...
*ahem*... string of obscenities, ninjas are better than pirates in a land war, string of obscenities, i want a dragon, string of obscenities, cleft in twain with his mighty sword of Dobar, string of obscenities, it's at the window, string of obscenities, my tits are constantly on display to detract from my insecurities, string of obscenities, den mother den mother den mother, string of obscenities...blah blah blah... :)

Thursday, 14 May 2009

Smoking my Motivation

It's been a long time since I've read or written any poetry... but I think I might just have been inspired....

I was bimbling around Deviant Art, like you do and stumbled across this guy...

His art is pretty cool but his poetry is something else.... I think I might have fallen in love with words again - thank you Scarlett Letters.

Monday, 11 May 2009

I'm Still Alive

Just in case you were worried that the mucus goblins had finally finished me off, I thought I should put your minds at rest... I still function!

The poorly dressed mucus goblins have left the vicinity of Upper Bexington, tails between their legs as they were defeated in battle by the wiley cunning of the pixie god and her awesome potions (namely decongestant taken with hot honey and lemon).

Sadly Baron Curly One (trying out an amalgamation) was clearly the next on the evil goblins hit list... damn those goblins are trixie!

Anyhoooo... the reason for this post is this:

Star Trek was awesome...woooooooop!!!!

I could critique it and talk about how it was a bit mindless and the plot was a little weak and strewn with implausible space time continuum pseudo science and really it was only the cast that made the movie worth while... but I'm not going to because it was absolutely kickass fun and I loved it.... the cast were superb...all of them...without exception, brought something wonderful to the whole movie and I came away from the cinema feeling brilliant about everything... all was well with the world - cinema is a wonderful thing.

Also, Dom has booked tickets for the best crazy ginger haired, makeup wearing, Australian, musical comedian in the world ever...FACT... it's not till October but I'm really excited already... yey!!!

Pixie out

Thursday, 7 May 2009

I Just Died in your Arms Tonight

This.... this is what is going to kill me..


My body is wracked with evil green mucus goblins who are at this very moment attempting to eat me from the inside out... not only are they making me feel decidedly icky and once again feeding in to my bizarre loathing of my least favourite of all the bodily excretions to make me find myself truly disgusting... but they have terrible taste in fashion.... I mean honestly...who wears the too short logo T shirt red braces combo anymore anyway... it's not the 80's ... Punk is over... gaaaah!

On top of this, my bosses are off today - woo hoo!

I was going to use today productively to get some actual work done without them constantly buzzing around me making it impossible for me to achieve anything - I was going to attempt to get my head around changing our website and making it all go live and everything and I was going to use today to do it because I thought I could have some uninterrupted time with which to concentrate on something a little more taxing than my usual mind numbing duties... sadly the legion of mucus goblins is making that seem like an impossible task...

So tomorrow I will get in to work and my bosses will ask me why I haven't redesigned the wheel in the 2 hours I had to myself with nothing terribly pressing to do... and I will sigh and tell them that I will get it done when I have some time and they will make snippy comments about using my time more efficiently and I will die a little more inside....and thus the inevitable cycle of my life will continue....

Unless of course the goblins get me first....

(I might secretly be rooting for them...I'll go smoke more, help them along a bit..)

Sunday, 3 May 2009

If I go Crazy will you still call me Superman?

I'm bored with the whole 'alternative title' thing now... it takes up too much thinking time and seems a bit I'm done with it.... instead I may start using tenuously appropriate song lyrics to title my blogs .... I may even start offering reward incentives to people who can name the song... oooh how school teachery of me!!!!

This weekend the (not so) curly one and I went to Devon to visit my lovely second family and celebrate my (not legally binding) adopted daddy's 60th birthday.... big surprise party complete with family over from Italy, amazing spread, decent music and a bar that let me have a tab... idiots!

The upshot of this weekend is two, perhaps even three fold...

Due to being forced to play with small children all weekend, my darling husband has revoked his previous comments about children and has now decided that they seem like a bad idea in general... which I have to agree with... we would create hairy mutant devil babies... so I'll let this one go for a while until my hormones and ticking biological clock take over and I feel the need to re-enact scenes from Rosemary's Baby in full and irrevocably destroy the body I've only just stopped worrying about ... stupid stupid being a girl

Secondly I've also realised that I need a new pseudonym for the (not so) curly one... since that one is getting truly boring... he came up with a few suggestions of his own... including but not limited to:

Baron von Fuck Muscle
Rufus T Thrustenlove
Sir Pumpsalot
Gash Master 5000
Dwayne T Nibblets - King of Fuck

Oooooo kaaaaaay.....

He was also propositioned by a wonderful gay friend of mine, who when drunk is quite deliberately controversial, with the immortal line "Would you be more upset if I snogged your wife or if I snogged you?"... to which he calmly replied... "I really couldn't tell you until you'd tried it".... brilliant!!!...

I also discovered that my crazy hippie powers now extend to calming small babies and easing period pains with my awesome healing hands..... now if only I could use the power of reiki and energy transference to move objects with my mind, my plans for world domination would be almost complete... muhahahahaha!!!

I might also have watched and possibly enjoyed Twilight....

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

If Your Sex is on Fire you should probably see a Doctor

Alternative title: Insecurity 101

Is it wrong that at the age of 28 I still worry about my level of 'cool?'

Of late I have found myself wondering whether it is ok to like certain music or certain films based on their 'cool' level... for example, I have been in love with the Kings of Leon song 'Sex on Fire' since I first heard it on the radio.... now I know this to be a grand misdemeanour in the great church of righteous awesomeness and probably should have me kicked out.... so I love it in secret and do not speak of my shame publicly (until now obviously).... but why the fuck should I care?

Ok, it doesn't stand up to their early work...clearly they shaved off their beards and cut their hair and became vastly too mainstream to be considered 'cool' anymore... but despite my better judgement I love that song....

There are countless other examples as well but frankly, having just done the musical equivalent of coming out to my parents I am not about to rub salt in the wound by telling them that my new partner is my old high school gym teacher...

My point is... why do I care?...

Am I not a free spirit, a caster off of the shackles of societies norms and judgements, a nay sayer to the whims of the mass populace, a crusader in the battle to end fear, to embrace differences, to spit in the eye of expectations, to dance on the grave of oppression and defecate on the pillow of ignorance?

Why do I feel the need to judge my own whims and censor my own entertainment for fear of what people will think of me?....

I should be allowed to run free, wooping and hooting at the joy of music and cinema because I love it....I should not have to quantify liking something by saying things like 'I know it's terrible but...'

So why, why oh why in the name of Jebus do I care?

Stupid cripplingly low self esteem.... bollocks to you... bollocks I say...

I'm off now in a cloud of whimsy to listen to songs I love... I don't care if you like them or not... poo to you!

(I do still care a little bit though if you now think I'm less cool than you did before...damnit)

Monday, 27 April 2009

Self Loathing 1, Dignity 0

Alternative title: All is not well in the Temple of Bex

It would seem that there is a delicate balance to be maintained when attempting to kill a cold with alcohol and cigarettes...especially when said cold is probably due to excessive consumption of these ingredients in the first place...

Usually this is a brilliant and effective plan and has steered me right most of my fact I can't remember the last time I had a heinous mucus goblin that couldn't be killed with the delightful poison that is beer and fags....

However it would seem that Saturday night was not in fact a good night for this... cocktails are very very bad and make Bex a very very poorly girl... Cathryn and I went our for cocktails and after letting some random Essex girls put make up on me and tell me that if I took out my facial piercings I would look less like a lesbian, I spent the rest of the evening curled up on the toilet floor of the bar praying to the porcelain gods....

Cathryn apparently had a lovely evening making friends with a gay man who thought she was fabulous while intermittently coming in to the toilets to make sure that I hadn't died...

There was a point between the vomitting and wanting to die where I managed to open the cubicle door and heard all the women who had been queueing for hours to use the one remaining toilet that was not full of my vomit declare things like 'Oh god' and 'poor girl' and various sympathetic tones while they all rallied round in sisterly favourite declaration was from the girl who was stroking my back and ordering people to 'find her friend' and 'get her a glass of water'... she said the brilliant line 'come on ladies, we've all been there'... this seemed to rally the troops and some how I made it out of the club where I passed out on Cathryn's knee on a bench before she somehow managed to carry me home and Bob stayed up with me till dawn to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit....

I think this may be true love...

So now I feel rancid and a little ashamed... but terribly appreciative of my darling husband and my lovely Cathryn... both of whom said that it made a change that they were looking after my sorry drunken ass....

Note to self: cocktails lead to paraletic Bex...

...and the cold is now worse... fucking brilliant!

Friday, 24 April 2009

A Bit Wanky or Awesomely Cool?

Alternative title: What do we think of the new layout people?

So then, thanks to Marianne being terribly clever I have now worked out how to change my template to something more exciting - so what do we think? Is it, as the title says, awesomely cool or a little wanky?

In other news... I have a cold... this would be less rubbish if I didn't have the irrational hatred for mucus that I have... it's so bad that I actually find myself disgusting right now... it's really rather unpleasant being stuck in my body!

Also I have discovered that my friends are awesome... FACT! ... if you are my friend, you are thanks for that :)

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

The Metric Fuck Ton and other Tales of Daring Do

Alternative Title: I think I may have hurt my tummy

Firstly - thank you Marianne for introducing me to the phrase 'The metric Fuck Ton'.... we believe this to be slightly smaller than the Imperial Fuck Tonne - but an aweful lot nonetheless... especially when used to describe the amount of alcohol consumed by my teeny tiny pixie like body at the weekend...

Friday night saw me spending the night clubbing in Swindon (horrid place) however, since two of my closest friends got engaged to each other that night in a terrifyingly brilliant plan of subtlety and subterfuge not seen since my previous life as a baddass ninja assassin and it was her birthday... good times were had...

The group (about 20 of us) all had VIP entry to the club which meant that we didn't have to pay to get in, we had our own private area to keep out the riff raff, free champagne on arrival and all the drinks were buy one get one free... which I didn't realise until I ordered 3 shots of Sambuca and 3 bottles of generic European beer...and got 6 of each.... oh dear.... then it started getting messy... some how the strawpeedo of a trough of booze seemed like a good idea at the time...

I spent most of the night with an old uni friend who I hadn't seen for a very very long time and was very pleased to realise that he is one of those friends who you can spend 5 minutes with after about 8 years apart and feel like you've never been apart... superb.

I then spent the night sandwiched between him and another strapping man on a double air bed in my friend's lounge... both of them doing the 'drunken boy snore'... suffice to say I got about 2 hours sleep in total... oh dear

Saturday, extremely hungover I make my way to Dom's party of awesomeness and decide that the best way to combat my monstrous hangover is to drink a further metric fuck ton of vodka and Marianne's particularly lovely home-brewed cider... beautiful appley ambrosia of the Gods and spend the entire night snuggled in her ample bosom... so soft and warm...yummy.

This may not have been wise as I spent most of the next day being really really grumpy and hungover and taking it out on the (not so) curly one and the ginger northerner...sorry about that boys.... Bob's delightful roast wasn't even enough to lighten my mood....still excellent parties on both nights... alcohol was consumed, love was made, cigarettes were smoked and friendships were resumed.... superb!

I think however, there is a small chance that I may be getting too old for the whole weekend bender as I then had to take Monday off work to recover...oops!

Monday, 6 April 2009

Ow ow ow ow

Alternative title: Ow ow ow ow...that's a whole lot of ow

Does anyone have any bright ideas about how to sort out my reccurring neck and shoulder stiffness without resorting to expensive medical treatments...seriously people it's like meningitis of the neck!

Also in a desperate bid to save our flat and have enough food to eat I'm pimping out Bob's ass... any takers?

Failing that my services may be available very soon...once I come up with a suitable 'lady of the night' pseudonym...

I might need to move to Bristol for more business... perhaps I could write a book about my experiences afterwards... "Down and Desperate in the Downs"

Me love you long time

NB: This image is cruelly and copy right infringingly ripped from an excellent web comic... go check it out

Thursday, 2 April 2009

A Present

Alternative Title: You Know Who You Are....

I would like to apologise for any embarrassment caused last night...

To make up for it... I thought you might like this:

Wednesday, 1 April 2009

I've found my Vocation

Alternative Title: I always knew I was a Scrubber

So against Sam's better advice, I scrubbed the gent's toilets yesterday... on my hands and knees, elbow deep in piss and filth... it was strangely satisfying... when I had finished and the place smelled clean and even the skirting boards and the mirrors were sparkling with joy at the love and attention they had received....

My victory was a little marred however when rather than getting annoyed that I was not at my desk, as hoped, my boss actually congratualted me on a job well done and suggested that we should get the old cleaner back in to show her how it's done.... bollocks... no justifiable and righteous vitriol for Bex... bugger

It was made all the more rubbish when 15 minutes later, after a few of the lads had been in there, I went back in to the toilets to finish off and it smelled of piss again...

I mean seriously... do boys just eminate an odour of urine?

Do you deliberately piss on the floor... is it like a competition?

I cleaned the damn urinals - use them!

Please boys, tell me... I need to know so I can combat this evil in the future!

In the evening I took photos of the (not so) curly one and his best friend, (who we shall call Mr Blonde tight trousers for now) - pictures of Bob attacking Mr Blonde tight trousers with a knife... Bob is doing a logo for a martial arts organisation (paid work... woo hoo!) and needed a dynamic pose to work from....

For inspiration I shouted things like, "Come on, attack him like you hate him... he's just fucked your mum and he's wearing stupid shoes"... I thought it was genius ... the boys seemed to disagree... ah well ... perhaps professional photography is one thing to cross off my list of vocation options...

Sunday, 29 March 2009

I think I may be a Victim

Alternative Title: ZOMG - Have you seen this?!?!?

Well now... I think, I'm not sure but I think there is a small chance that I might have been in some way, possibly a little bit, maybe, the victim of workplace discrimination...

A couple of weeks ago when we were told we were going to have to drop down to a four day week, I assumed that that meant that I was allowed to work a 4 day week, you know, like they said... not that I would be expected to come in for 5 days and still take the totally bend me over and ruthlessly bugger me in my sore and weeping financial arsehole paycut... apparently I was mistaken...

The first week of this genius plan to stop the hell mouth folding in on itself I took a day off... I felt weird about it because I knew I wasn't getting paid, so I looked for alternative employment so at least I felt like I was doing something productive... well we all know how that turned out... (not well...for all involved)...

That offer of a job interview obviously meant that I needed to take the day off work, so I took it as holiday (perfectly legitimate) and the following day, having exhausted myself by walking about in silly foot wear and breaking my spine / causing internal organ failure, I found myself in far too much pain to move, let alone sit in a Morris Minor with shakey suspension for 45 minutes to get to work, so I call in sick (also perfectly legitimate)...

Although when I go to take my day off last week as part of my 4 day week, 'let's try to soften the blow for our workers by letting them have another day off,' my boss makes some snippy comment as he is walking out of the door that he is 'surprised' that I'm taking this day off as I had so much time off the week before.... to which, slightly stunned, I replied 'yeah, one of those days was holiday and the other was sick...' he just said, 'I'm just surprised that's all' and buggers off....

Then it starts to sink in... apparently not only am I supposed to suck up a crippling pay cut, I'm also not allowed to take sick leave or holiday... brilliant... this makes me angry for the rest of the day but I let it go...

On Friday, Cathryn reveals to me that said boss has continued to slate my behaviour and the behaviour and reactions of other people in the company who have actually had the audacity to take that extra day off that we were offered and have not been coming to work for free... this angers me so much that I go in to my bosses' office, kick out the other manager and ask to have 'a word' with the offending boss....

What transpires is a calm and rational conversation where he states that he had expected more loyalty from the staff ... when I point out that it has nothing to do with loyalty, simply that my work load is significantly lower than it has been in the past due to total lack of work coming in and that I cannot take work from other members of staff as I do not know how to do their work and they do not have time to teach me... he suggests that I should spend my time away from my desk (an offense which usually leads to a berrating for not being on hand to answer the phone) doing pointless and meaningless tasks like 'sorting out the files' in the over stuffed filing room... when I point out that he cannot tell us we can have a 4 day week and then get shitty when we take it, the argument becomes entirely circular...

I could cope with this, just about... however here comes the good bit... he was so slippery about it that I didn't even realise it had happened until after I had left the meeting... in fact I'm still not entirely sure about it... he referred to 'my problem' (his words, not mine... he means the fact that I am a brain cripple) and that the company as a whole had been very supportive of 'my problem' and the fact that I took a day off sick here and there... he even conceded that other people have had more time off than I have through sickness ... but then he said I had to look at the morality of the situation... I left feeling that it had been implied that because I have epilepsy I should be 'morally obligated' to work the 5th day for free... I'm not sure whether I have been bullied and discriminated against or whether I'm just pissed off... I am pissed off, I'm just not sure about the rest of it... nevertheless, I am working 5 days this week...

On a brighter note though, this...

My life would be so very much better if I worked as the Gruffalo's personal secretary...

Thursday, 26 March 2009


Alternative Title: Hindsight is 20:20

This is a public service announcement:

I would like to publicly apologise to my husband for discussing my feelings in a public forum rather than with him.

The offending post has now been edited accordingly.

Sorry baby

End announcement.

Wednesday, 25 March 2009


Alternative Title: Meh

Yesterday was a rubbish day... and now in my new found self indulgent emo fashion, I'm going to write about it here and you are going to read it... because that is what the blogging forum is there.

10.10 am - Smear test - undignified and uncomfortable - I know most of the people who read this are men and will therefore never be subjected to the indignity that is the internal examination - at least until the time comes for the prostate exam (which is probably worse than a smear - but largely reserved for the elderly gentleman so none of my readers are likely to have experienced it) but being told to 'just relax' whilst lying semi naked on a couch with your legs splayed while someone shoves a large, cold, unlubricated, metal phallus up your most delicate of delicates, widens it and then scrapes your internal walls with bits of plastic is not the most enjoyable of experiences - This is a speculum by the way - lovely looking little bit of torture equipment don't you think?!?!

10.30 am - Waiting in doctor's waiting room for epilepsy check up - I hate doctor's surgeries, even more so since I worked in one and know what goes on in these terrible hives of disease and time wastery - I had to wait for ages because the person before me was an elderly chap who had trouble walking and was in there for at least half an hour more than his appointment time permitted, probably boring the doctor with utter hyperchondria and stories of his old war injury - I remember those people - they like to bore receptionists as well - and complain bitterly when they are the ones kept waiting - oh the injustice

12.00 pm - Phone call offering me that job as predicted - I turn it down - (not so) curly one feels guilty about it - I feel bad that he feels bad - ain't love grand?!?!

Friday, 20 March 2009

Demurely Covered and the Very Essence of Underexposure

Alternative Title: Well Shit, Cock and Piss Flaps

So the interview went really really well.

I managed to find an alternative white shirt, black trouser, severe shoe combo that had me looking professional not porn starry...yey me!

However the shoes have caused my feet to mutate into some kind of blistered bloody stumps and have possibly also damaged my spine beyond repair - either that or my rampant cystitis has moved to my kidneys and my internal organs are currently undergoing massive shut down and I'll be dead by the end of the weekend... woo fucking hoo - either way I'm in some serious fucking pain here people!

My foolish foot attire choices aside, the interview was really good. The people were lovely, the environment was light and airy - at no point did I experience the air of impending death and decay as is present at so many of these nursing homes, the job itself seemed really interesting and I interviewed really well. They seemed to like me, I even had them laughing, which is always a good sign.

Unfortunately, even if they offer me the job, I am going to have to turn it down - but why Bex, I hear you cry, it sounds amazing and will get you out of the fly infested hell hole which currently holds sway over your bank account - well my comes down to one simple but increasingly buggering problem - the money.

They can't offer me enough to be able to meet my rent and bills, never mind any frivolities like food!.... I'm not even in a position to negotiate for more moolah... the caring professions have a notoriously low budget to play with and I would have to ask for a further 6k a year.... which is an astronomical amount for those poor once again I am forced back to the seventh level of hell ....

Of course this has lead to another fight with the (not so) curly one about the state of our marriage and the monetary problems that we face as a couple....

Fuck the Pope

Sometimes I hate my life.

(and apparently I'm becoming more emo by the second - sorry about that)

Tuesday, 17 March 2009

Tits Bursting Out All Over the Place!!!

Alternative Title: Not Really... but now I have your attention...

I have a job interview tomorrow... yey me!

It's still admin work (boo) but it is in a nursing home specialising in palliative care - my field of interest (so yey)...

I am apprehensive about this interview... although perhaps not for the usual reasons...

I only sent my CV off yesterday and they called me today to ask me for an interview tomorrow.... now this either means that they are really on the ball, in which case I will probably be a terrible disappointment to them after years of working in a mind numbingly and brain cell destroyingly easy job, once they realise that I am not as nearly on the ball as their head office people seem to be...


They are so desperate for staff that they jumped on the first sad sack who sent in a CV with their name spelled correctly... again not a good sign...

It's a bit like going out on a date and it going fairly well but then they call you 3 times within an hour of parting company just to 'say hi' ... it's a little bit concerningly keen... (unless of course it went 'really' well... then obsessive calling is just fine)

Of course it could just be that they were blown away by the sheer awesomeness and stealth ninja baddassery (thank you Mr Smith - consider yourself acknowledged) of my CV and have turned away every other candidate just for a chance to gaze upon the wonder that is yours truly... but it seems unlikely...

I am also mildly concerned about what to wear... terribly girly of me I know... but it seems that having lost a few pounds over the last few months pretty much everywhere but from my chest (hear the venemous cries of the ladies) has furnished me with a bit more of a porn star figure than is perhaps appropriate for a home for the dying and my white shirt, black trouser, severe heeled shoe usual interview garb may have me looking more like the 'special' entertainment for Mr Jone's one last kick of excitement before he shuffles off than a serious candidate for a front of house post... what do you think...too much boob?

I'll let you know how it goes... I predict... badly....

NB: Please be aware that these are not in fact my breasts... though sweet baby Jesus, I wish they perky and tanned... although I think she made need to get some Vanish on her shirt... looks like she washed it with a red sock!

Monday, 23 February 2009

It's Been A While....

Alternative Title: I missed you guys

A lot has been occurring of late, most of which I did not feel comfortable blogging about until here goes...

There was much snow and no server for many days so Cathryn and I, once we'd got rid of the management managed to create this terribly productive and artsy portrayl of The Venus De Milo combined with Veronica Lake before we got bored and cold and went home... good day spent at work...woop!...Also totally out classed the regular shaped snowman down the road made by another garage... yeah, we's a classy kinda bird at the MMC!.... in your face Mr Stephens (A level art teacher who made my life miserable for 2 years) my D grade in Art totally paid off!
The following day the curly one and I went to a party where he got drunk and twattish and I walked out... I didn't go home again for over a week.

Suffice to say he and I have been having some problems of late and while he has been vastly more twattish in the past while fueled with booze, this was the last straw... I stayed with Cathryn, who doubtless got terribly bored of me moping about the place by the end of it but will always be too polite to say anything other than 'it was a pleasure to have you there.'

I spent Valentines day without my husband getting terribly drunk and progressively miserable in a pub with some friends and then Sunday went to a vintage fashion fayre in Bristol (shopping totally out of character) but actually had a lovely day with my girly friends and spent the evening hanging out with my much missed boys who managed to fuel me with enough geekery to stock up my dwindling supplies... I also joined in with the famed pub quiz, where my knowledge of the faces of aging celebrities proved useful (though how useful I am not sure as I still don't know how we did as I had to leave before the results)... there were also some excellent collaborative drawings put forward by Matt "no they're not jack boots" Smith and the lovely Mr Ben of mechanically engineered dinosaurs and pigs riding flaming horses... some beer may have been consumed.

It was actually waiting on the train station platform that I realised that I wanted to go the following day, I did...

Bob has been replaced by a pod person, he is positive and pro-active and clean living...not the man I married!... I can't fault him... I on the other hand am still a bit of a mess... I'm hoping I can sort my shit out so that I can really give him the chance he deserves, give us that chance... man, marriage is hard!

Along with all of this personal emotional trauma, some friends of ours lost thier 10 month old son to a rare genetic disorder, which was enormously tragic and another friend lost his father under equally tragic circumstances - the world is a cruel place sometimes...

The cosmic chaos is just being mean now... it's not fun or freeing's just painful, raw and tiring...

I need a holiday

Friday, 30 January 2009

Supreme Genius

Alternative Title: If Carlsberg made Complaint letters...

This made me laugh so hard I nearly blew Ribena out of my nose ... the disparaging looks from the management that followed only served to make it funnier!

I'm sure most of you have already seen this because you read these high brow papers or because you are more 'down wit da kidz' than I... but none the less... I had to share this with you.


Pixie Out

Thursday, 29 January 2009

WOW and other useful acronyms

Alternative Title: The Culmination of the Spread of Evil Pink Filth

So the Warlock has finished her Global Tour spreading her evil pink filth as she goes, has run her Magnificent (and yes it is truly magnificent) flying carpet ragged ( oh the punnery!) and has earned herself the title 'The Explorer'... this made me happy but also means that I have had to turn my attentions once again to actual factual questing and game playing... which by the way, is apparently awesome!... I was a little sceptical having devoted so much time (read: about 2 hours) to exploring the entire globe that I would be able to get the same sense of achievement from regular game play... oh how very wrong I was...

In the space of a couple of hours I had an emotional rollercoaster ride comparable to nothing I have experienced in this game before - due to the wonderful quest layering system adopted in the latest expansion I was able to sit on a tower mounted cannon and shoot big skeletal dragons with bigger bombs at the start of a quest chain that culminated in me helping to create a whole new town on my map complete with mail box, friendly dragon flight path and sleeping bloke in an inn ... the town wasn't there before I did this quest chain... and now it is... genius!!!! This made me very happy... I felt like one of those people who goes to Africa and helps build towns and comes away with an amazing sense of achievement... only without the actually having helped anyone real part...

I then went on a round the world trip trying to save the life of a guy who was dying of Scourge plague and would, upon death, become a horrible mindless drooling drone (a bit like my boss...oh the punnery is relentless... I'm here all week, try the veal) only to discover that when I finally managed to get to the bit where I found someone who could actually save him (the weird alien angel thing) he still died... but his mortal soul was saved from becoming my boss.... this may be the most tragic and heart breaking quest chain I've ever done... I was exhausted by the end of my couple of hour session...

Of course the long emotional talk I had with my better half may also have had something to do with my exhaustion levels...but I'm still blaming it on the gaming.

Best bit of gaming I have done in some time... thank you Blizzard and your genius Devs.

NB: I lied about the other useful acronyms... there aren't any... feel free to make up your own though... I'd hate to stand in the way of creativity!

Monday, 26 January 2009

Shenanigans...oh yes, you heard me right!

Alternative title: Go Pixie it's your birthday...

So long weekend down in the depths of Devon with my bestest friend in the whole wide world was lovely... poker was played, brilliant new people were met, wine was consumed, plentiful nicotine was inhaled...2 year old god son was entertained whilst hungover (note to self: don't do that again)

Work was shit... but then I have come to expect particular favourite work related episode this week was the arrival of a 'motivational' poster brought in by my middle management, pop psychology, never read an actual psych book in his life, dumbass boss... I can't find a picture of it on the intermanetz but I shall describe it for your delight and delectation... it is a picture of a ripple in some water with the 'motivational' text "Irresponsibility: No single rain drop believes it is to blame for the flood.".... see, told you he was a dumbass... he can't quite seem to grasp how this passive aggressive gesture is not likely to rouse the troops rather it simply serves to make us all a bit narky ... dumbass!

Then this weekend twas ma birfday...I did indeed get older but as anticipated getting older was jollied up by the attendance of some damn fine people, plenty of music and movie critiquing and some bloody good role playing.

Pub was visited, white russians were consumed by the trough, plentiful nicotine was inhaled and good times were had by all... and then Bob got drunk... and I had to deal with him...and then had to deal with him again in the morning (my actual birthday no less) by doing all the washing up from the night before so I could cook him greasy bacon and egg hangover sandwiches having had precisely no sleep, a text message from my evil Grandmother who I haven't given my phone number to in over 10 years (how she got it is a mystery) a long and sobbing phone call from my Dad, wishing me happy birthday and telling me that his girlfriend (the only thing stopping him from topping himself whilst going through his second messy divorce) has left him and then another text message from my gay ex boyfriend...all the while our favourite Ginger, Fuzz was witnessing this terrifying glimpse into my emotionally fraught life from the comfort of my living room floor as I collapse in a mess having spoken to all the people in my life who have the ability to cause me any amount of emotional trauma in the space of about an hour on my fucking birthday.... gaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

However... we then ended up in Brizzle playing a most excellent roleplay game designed by my very favourite Egyptian Muslim, Bas - who had taken the concept of an anal retentive attention to detail to new heights by drawing character pictures for us all and laminating hundreds of cards, each one different from the last (all designed by him) to replace any need for the rolling of dice... this was a combat intensive game and frankly we were all fucking brilliant!...we were heroes...apart from when one of us destroyed Paris, went evil and tried to kill another player character (note he destroyed Paris BEFORE he technically 'went evil') ...we fought dinosaur men.... I flew a fire breathing dragon... Steve Rogers was the president of the USA, Dracula was the premier of Russia and Joan of Arc was the premier of France.... absolute fucking genius! I loved every minute of it.... also the character pictures were beautiful - Bas, my love, if you ever find your way to reading this page, thank you so very much for such an awesome birthday present!

We then went to a party in the evening but I don't really remember much of it... I think I may have fallen asleep in the car on the way there and not really woken up again yet... very very tired.....


Tuesday, 13 January 2009

Sending Out The Pixie Love

Alternative Title: A present for my friends

Yeah, yeah, so blog updates have not been that frequent and the warlock has ceased the levelling frenzy and slowed down to a respectable level 77 when she got her hands on a most excellent flying carpet which has been used to date to mark her global territory as she flies around spraying her cute but evil pink filth everywhere in an attempt to get the title 'Explorer' after her name... but there is a good reason for this...

I've been getting my tv on...

I have been watching the first season of True Blood which may be the best thing I have seen for some time... it's a bit like Buffy if it was made for grown ups and set in a back water hick riddled town in Louisiana with lots of swearing and nasty fucking! (and the occasional Creole accent)... so all the things I love then.. (including allowing me to reminisce about how much I love Gambit from the X men) let's be honest!

It also has the best opening credits of any show I have ever seen ever and possibly a theme tune to rival the much lamented Firefly (damn you Fox network)...don't get me wrong, it is not the sort of music that I normally enjoy, but they do have both types of music...that's right, both Country AND Western!

I have also been watching No Heroics ... a Bristish Sitcom (thanks for the find Fuzz) about rubbish Super heroes and how rubbish they are... it's very funny.

Amongst all this tv watching I have also found time to celebrate the Curly One's birthday in true drunken vomit filled fashion... thanks boys... good times had by all I think!

This weekend I am heading down to deepest darkest Devon to spend some much overdue time with my very bestest friend in the whole wide world and her family... lovely break in the middle of nowhere ahead me thinks... yey!

Following weekend is ma Birfday... where I will creep ever closer to 30, becoming slowly less attractive to the opposite sex, not realising any of my dreams and looking forward to a life of pushing out mistreated sprogs and forcing myself to become domesticated (hell I'm barely even house trained at the moment)... so that's nice!

My getting older will however be some what jollied up by the anticipated arrival of the Folkestone based possie who will help me drown my sorrows in a heady mix of alcohol and gaming... which I am really looking forward to!

Actually...come to think of it... couple of weeks of nice stuff occurring...may be I should just stop being so fucking miserable...or at the very least add another shot to my nightly vodka habit!

So - go check out these awesome tv shows, they are my gifts to you my lovelies...if you don't enjoy them, well that's just fine... you are entitled to your opinion and I will fight to the death for your right to hold it... even if you are wrong!

Pixie Out