Stupid Dumb Shit Goddamn Mother Fucker

So I quit my job...

I am now officially homeless, unemployed and separated from my husband...

I can't apply to be dole scum until the skittering devil children at the MMC send me my P45... which doubtless they will drag their heels about.

They stiffed me on the money front but because I don't have a contract and the same law that meant I could just tell them I wasn't coming back without giving any notice also means that they don't have to pay me .... fuckers.

This means that the flat that I was going for and pulling strings to get is no longer in the running because I don't have the money I thought I would from the seventh level of hell to make up the first month's rent and the deposit... cock.

This also means that I have about £100 to last me until I can either get a pay cheque from a new employer or a dole cheque... this £100 will be coming out of my bank on the 15th as a loan payment and I still need to find the money to pay my credit card, get to and from Bath next week and ...well... live...

Up shit creek sans paddle, me thinks...

The people I am staying with are thoroughly lovely but I am starting to feel like I am taking the piss... I hate taking from other people... especially since my black eyeshadow exploded all over their beige carpet and has left horrible stains, which even the power of voodoo has yet to eradicate...

I also managed to get so drunk I threw up all over my best friends carpet and stained that...

Essentially the last couple of days have been spent getting upset with letting agents, crying at my bank balance and scrubbing the carpets of people who are really helping me out...

Also.. .their dog ate my trainers.

And apparently I have become one whiney mother fucker :)

This made me chuckle though...




Pixie McWhinesalot out

xxx

Accentuate the positive

Positive things I have done this week:

* Had my hair cut and dyed... it's shorter than it was and has a slightly bull dykie feel to it (though people are using the phrase pixie like)... but it does have some rather fetching bright red streaks in the fringe... I like it but it will take a little getting used to

* I have re-written some government documentation on child protection and will be helping to deliver a training course to various health and social care professionals on this subject on Thursday

* I have written a lot of self therapeutic indulgent poetry (which people seem to like)

* I watched Titus last night, the adaptation of Shakespeare's early, lesser known and vastly more gruesome plays, Titus Andronicus... it was very good... if a little tragic... but then it would be, it's a tragedy!

* I have been chatting to friends and family and keeping in touch

* I have taken the dog for a walk across fields with the most stunning views and thought to myself "why would anyone want to be anywhere else"

Less positive things I have done this week:

* I have moped... a lot

* I have drunk a lot of wine and smoked a lot of cigarettes

* I have been unable to make any decisions regarding work or study

But still all early days yet... can't expect a miracle over night, I guess... but fuck me this shit is hard!

Pixie out

Did you say 'no this can't happen to me?'

Well by now you all know what's going on... and you've actually pretty much all been in touch with your well wishes and sympathies... which I am extremely grateful for - thank you.

Basically this is just to say that I probably won't be doing a great deal of bloggerising for a while... I will still be writing but it will be wanky, self indulgent and weepy poetry - yey me and the free therapy.

Focusing on my writing and looking at going back to school to study.. .well something... not sure yet whether to go back to do more psychology or whether to bite the bullett and actually study big gay writing!!! (I might even go study computer programming)... still something will be filling my brain in the not too distant future other than Morris Minor paint codes and how much I hope my boss falls in a pit filled with flaming spikes and angry monkeys...

I think there is a strong possibility that I will be quitting my job... I've taken a couple of weeks off for a bit of R&R anyway... but at the end of that, I realy don't see going back to be a particularly healthy thing for me to do...

That said... I need to get some thinking done... so I'm hoping this next couple of weeks will give me the time and space I need to do that and get my head straight so I can formulate some kind of long term plan.

I haven't fallen of the edge of the world... I'm still contactable ...so please don't feel you can't contact me.

Love to you all and weepy sad face

Bex
xxx

Standing on the Shoulders of Giants

Muse were incredible...

The whole weekend was awesome...

I am a broken shell of a woman...

'nuff said

Pixie Out

I'll Be There As Soon As I Can

I R going to see Muse tomorrow... woop hoot and yey!!!

Apparently being best friends with people who went to school with famous musicians is a good thing :)

So not only am I going to spend the weekend in my spiritual retreat surrounded by my wonderful second family... I'm also getting to see one of my favourite bands play in the bargain... and I'm taking the Frenchy!

The Curly One was meant to be coming... but he has broken his spine in 27 places and is currently in traction being bed bathed by 1960's Barbara Windsor-esque nurses... or he might just be having a bad case of sciatica and lying on the sofa dosed up on pain killers.... but the first option sounds more fun, so let's go with that!

The aforementioned bodily harm was apparently caused by an early morning tidying spree last weekend a la chez Ginge ...after a most excellent barbeque / challenge to see how much beer 9 people can actually get through in an eveing (which apparently is quite a lot)/ celebration of the return of the Pat

Good times were had by all... beer was drunk (by the metric fuck ton)... eternal love was declared (as only the truly drunken are wont to do)... cigarettes were smoked... meat was eaten... salad was largely avoided (until the morning when a chicken salad with coleslaw and melon on the side seemed like the perfect breakfast...they weren't laughing about the pre-cooked chicken we brought to a barbeque by then, I can tell you!)and then teh Patzor drove The Curly One and I home and hung out (I slept) until the evening when he ran 4th ed D&D for the nerd squad, which was so unbearably awesome and win that I can't even describe it... we even intro gamed a new player ...and I think there is a chance we might have converted him with our second hand geek smoke (it's dangerous for your health I hear... the government are moving to ban indoor geekery as those who do not geek feel they should not be exposed to the geekery of others...GW are in uproar saying it will destroy their business)

Saturday, Cathryn and I drove up to Burton on Trent (don't go...it's where they make Bass beer and Marmite... the whole town smells funny... plus it's north of the Watford gap and therefore grim)... We went to pick up a 19th century antique oak chest come bench thing (imagine a gothicy church pew but prettier) which has been sitting in my Grandma's hallway for as long as I can remember... she inherited it from her mother in law who inherited from her mother.. or something.. I don't know... any way... I have coveted this thing since I was a child and spent every summer there... and now it is mine.... or at least it is in Cathryn's dining room, filled with beautifully ornate plates from China, that I also now own... it took us 5 hours to get there... because Cathryn can't follow directions and the phrase "stay on the M42 Cathryn... no seriously... the M42 ... no... no... no .... not the M40...gaaaaaaaaah!!!" only passed my lips once... but that was enough to set us back a couple of hours... nonetheless... my Grandma was lovely and made us dinner and gave me wonderful covetous things and sent us on our way again...Cathryn and I made it back to Bath, in a 4x4 borrowed from one of the boys in the seventh level of Hades... and we are still friends... of course all I have to show for sitting in a car for hours and hours is Great Aunt Flo's blanket from Norway... but hey...

Sometimes I think 2 white women driving through the rougher bits of Bristol at 9.30 on a Saturday night in a Chelsea tractor, with an antique oak chest in the back, smoking out of the windows and listening loudly and shamelessly to Michael Jackson, might be a slightly odd thing to do.... then I remember that Cathryn and I have done much stranger things... like driving round the back of Jamaica street with a boot full of sex toys and stopping to ask for directions...

I am also currently in the midst of attempting to integrate Taoism into my Wiccan belief structure... it seems to be opening up some very interesting spiritual pathways for me... and my soul is growing as a result... i've been having some very trippy meditations recently... dare I say, I am feeling more... powerful... of course that could just be the can of Redbull I just drank... but seriously... amazing meditations over the last few days... I'm very excited to see where this path will take me... I'm literally buzzing (again, may be the Redbull... finding it tough to focus on the screen now...)

Have a good weekend kiddies

Pixie Out

You can tell by the lines in my smile that I have been around for a while

I can haz ego stroke plix, yes kk?!?!?

I have my gorgeous baby cousin coming to stay tonight....

I love her to bits, she is fun, she is clever, she is very sweet and she looks up to me (she is also therefore obviously, horribly flawed)

I have watched her grow up over the last few years, mature from a child in to an interesting young woman and throughout this period, my influence has been a discerning factor in her life. When I first noticed she had a liking for the slightly alternative music scene, I made her a CD of some of my favourite tracks when I was growing up, hoping to nurture and encourage this love, which it did.

When she got in trouble at school, I lied to her teachers for her, she knows I know she did something bad but lied for her anyway though I have never mentioned it to her. I hoped this would encourage her to be more thoughtful in her rebellion, which it did.

When she had her heart broken for the first time, I was there, handing out the sage advice and comfort, hoping she would see that this was not in fact the end of the world and that boys will come and go, as is their want but that I would be there for her to shoulder her pain through them all, which she does.

The problem is, she is now a younger, thinner, prettier, more intelligent and successful version of me.... and I am left feeling like the example of 'how to fuck up your life and not realise your potential in 5 easy steps'

Also, I will be spending my evening laughing at my 30 something men friends all trying desperately to get in her pants but still being shit scared that I will tear off their balls if they succeed!!!!

Of course what they don't realise is that she really doesn't need me to look out for her anymore, she is perfectly capable of emasculating men all on her own!!!!

Oh let the giggling commence!!!!

Pixie out

You Probably Think This Song is About You

I have had one of my pieces of big gay poetry recognised by my big gay pretentious poetical peers... yey me ... woop... hoot and indeed hoorah!!

I was featured as the pick of the day on Monday for the literature community of Deviant Art... my wanky offering may be found here

It's not my favourite piece... but it's one of them... and the crazies on dA seem to like it... so yey!

Also... just in case you had forgotten...

I love you

Yes

You

I love you

You are beautiful and wonderful and a joy to be with... I am blessed to know you
...and in case you were wondering who this is directed at... it's directed at YOU... silly!