It would seem that there is a delicate balance to be maintained when attempting to kill a cold with alcohol and cigarettes...especially when said cold is probably due to excessive consumption of these ingredients in the first place...
Usually this is a brilliant and effective plan and has steered me right most of my life...in fact I can't remember the last time I had a heinous mucus goblin that couldn't be killed with the delightful poison that is beer and fags....
However it would seem that Saturday night was not in fact a good night for this... cocktails are very very bad and make Bex a very very poorly girl... Cathryn and I went our for cocktails and after letting some random Essex girls put make up on me and tell me that if I took out my facial piercings I would look less like a lesbian, I spent the rest of the evening curled up on the toilet floor of the bar praying to the porcelain gods....
Cathryn apparently had a lovely evening making friends with a gay man who thought she was fabulous while intermittently coming in to the toilets to make sure that I hadn't died...
There was a point between the vomitting and wanting to die where I managed to open the cubicle door and heard all the women who had been queueing for hours to use the one remaining toilet that was not full of my vomit declare things like 'Oh god' and 'poor girl' and various sympathetic tones while they all rallied round in sisterly solidarity...my favourite declaration was from the girl who was stroking my back and ordering people to 'find her friend' and 'get her a glass of water'... she said the brilliant line 'come on ladies, we've all been there'... this seemed to rally the troops and some how I made it out of the club where I passed out on Cathryn's knee on a bench before she somehow managed to carry me home and Bob stayed up with me till dawn to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit....
I think this may be true love...
So now I feel rancid and a little ashamed... but terribly appreciative of my darling husband and my lovely Cathryn... both of whom said that it made a change that they were looking after my sorry drunken ass....
Note to self: cocktails lead to paraletic Bex...
...and the cold is now worse... fucking brilliant!
2 comments:
For some reason, in my head when I read this, the girl saying "Come on Ladies, we've all been there" is a burly northern lesbian in dungarees...
I have no idea.... it could have been Angelina Jolie for all I remember... I couldn't actually see by this point and only recognised Cathryn because I remembered she was wearing a bright red top... I still feel utterly wretched.... blergh
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