As much fun as watching re-runs of Scrubs during the day has been, I really don't like being unemployed, and having to spend £5.40 to get to the dole office to sign on for 30 seconds so they can give me 4/5ths of fuck all twice a month is really not doing much for my burgeoning psychosis.
It's another boring admin job, which I really don't want - worse still it's in a solicitor's office, so I will have to dress appropriately - which is a problem. I have had to borrow clothes for the interview so finding something to wear every day may present a challenge...
That is of course assuming that they don't just take one look at me and dismiss me immediately as being 'trouble'... piercings and hair dyed a silly colour may be relatively normal in the Bath / Bristol area but in a teeny tiny seaside town in the arse end of nowhere, I look like a bit of a freak.
Now I could take out my piercings and pretend to be respectable - but I won't - partly because I know I can do this job standing on my head with one hand tied behind my back and the other wanking a small Russian midget playing the violin and still do their typing and client reception work better than any other slack jawed fuck tard they interview down here and still have time to re-design their website...also they should judge me based on my ability to do the job and not on the fact that I have extra holes in my face.... however there is also a small part of me that is very aware that I am probably trying to sabotage my chances... I will make an effort, I will dress smartly, I will wear a nose stud instead of a ring and I may even spend tomorrow searching for a smaller stud for my lip... but I won't be taking them out.. I could, I could even dye my hair back to its natural colour... but I don't want to...I refuse to lose even more of my identity than I have already by making the move that I have simply to fit in to the suffocating mold that is en vogue in the small minded, small town mentality that I am discovering in this place.
While the money it would generate would mean that I could pay off all my debts and even possibly save enough money for a fresh start, go back to school, go travelling... do something exciting and interesting...something I have been yearning to do for years but have not had the opportunity, I know that deep inside I am still holding out for something I really want... I have made such a huge life altering, heart wrenching, soul ripping decision to leave one life behind (even if only on a temporary basis) that settling for anything less than perfect seems oddly unfair...
I am really suffering for the decision I have made... I miss my life, I miss my friends desperately, I miss my home, I miss my possessions, I miss my safety and security, I miss familiarity... I miss my husband... I need something positive to come out of this hellish shit storm and I need to make that happen... I am just not sure how to do it... do I keep on the deferred gratification path of getting a boring job that I don't want and potentially enabling something positive to come out of it later while risking making myself more miserable than I am already, or do I hold out for something I really want and risk never finding it?
I do not care for limbo and I do not care for the sound of me whinging like a little bitch with a skinned knee and shit... again!
Sorry...have some pictures of nice things to make up for it... kittens for the girls, plymouth barracuda for the boys :)
Pixie McStillwhinesalot out
4 comments:
Muscle cars AND kittens. You made my day.
But anyway...the usual offer stands. Sofas and blah. I'm sure you're sick of hearing it as I'm sure sofa surfing still isn't part of your plans. But yeah. Sofa...or possibly bed soon. If we buy one. Which we probably won't. But the sofa is bigger than the bed I had in my first year.
Missing you.
Job hunting sucks, being rejected for job after job is infuriating and depressing. I've been there and got the t-shirt and I know how you feel on that front. Come visit Bristol and put your name about with various agencies, I'm sure you'll find something. Chin up and KBO.
Fucking Roxette.
So how'd it go? Was your hair too subversive for them?
Yes, job hunting does suck the cock of the tiny violin midget.
Still, keep at it. I find some solace in my dole office being skaghead central, and sitting down with my bored job centre person, them picking their nose and saying, exceptionally bored,
"What have you done to find..er..employment, like, innit, this week?"
and I reply things like,
"Well, I have an interview to be deputy editor of the Economist, and other than that, I've applied for 14 other jobs."
My favourite comment this week was the woman saying "Wow, you're keen, aren't you?" Yes, it's almost like I want a job, isn't it?:)
Post a Comment