Floating Upstream

It seems that I have been very wrong about this year... I started the year believing it was a new beginning, a fresh start, on to bigger and better things...

In retrospect, what it has been is a transitional year... not a new start but the end of some things, the consideration of others and indeed the beginning of even more.

Bob and I are now officially divorced - we even spoke last weekend - he called me... to say goodbye I think, more than anything else...
I cried... a lot... but it was good to speak with him and it be friendly... I'm very happy for him that he has a new girlfriend and seems to be doing something with his art work... may be one day we'll be able to be in the same place at the same time and it not be awful... it felt like a little bit of closure

I have been given this week to 'think about my future' within the company... I'm spending it worrying, trying to minimise my expenditure and looking for other jobs... I'm not what they need and this job is not what I need...

What I have realised is that a 'career' is not as important to me as I thought it was... if I cannot work as a counsellor until I have finished my training and I cannot finish my training until I have lots of money and lots of free time, then it doesn't really matter what I do for a living... if I can pay my bills and have enough money left over for beer and fags then that's ok...
I think I've finally worked out what is important to me... and a career isn't it...

The ones I love are important... getting a little joy out of life is important... being able to help other people with their problems because I'm not so wrapped up in my own, is important... wearing a suit to work and building the business... that's not important...

Even though when I go back to work next week, I'm going to throw away the only opportunity for a career I've ever had, I think that's ok... my measure of success has changed dramatically in the last year...

It doesn't matter what you do for a living as long as you're happy

So while this year has been a transitional year, perhaps next year will be the new start ... or perhaps it won't... but that's ok too...

I have a wonderful man, wonderful friends, wonderful family... everything else is really just secondary... and it will fall in to place.... eventually.

I love you guys

Epiphany Pixie Out